Freddy goes to Falls Festival

Oh Fred, thank god you're here. Not only was the 5 night camping festival $450 before seeing one smelly Byron hippy, but with flights, petrol, and all the extra tent gear (tree-hanging shower anyone?), everyone is looking to save a buck. Enter Frederick, your alcoholic mule helping campers smuggle in Jack, Jim and all your other friends needed for a good time. 

Whether strategically placed at the bottom of your esky or stuffed down your front jocks, Fred has the flexibility to bypass any front door security. For a group of 7 punters an overall sum of 28 spirit bottles were smuggled in using the Fred Manoeuvre; this strategy produced a total of zero contraband being uncovered. 

As other booze hounds fell to the wayside, losing their prized possessions to the sounds of aggressive security and metal detectors (For those old school cowboys using aluminium flasks) this pro-Freddy group strutted into the campsite like conquering kings. Smug. 

For a national festival that sells cans of Kopperberg and Carlton Dry as the only alcopop and beer, this cargo push to have some freedom for choice was half the battle. Multi-day festivals in Australia usually use the ticketing method, apparently easier to manage and definitely more successful at securing profit through unused tickets by festivals end. Falls was no exception, with Johnny Walker & Coke or any other mid-shelf blends exceeding the event standard $10+ mark. The overpriced drinks situation was looking bleak. But thank God Fred Flasks fights for freedom.

One of Fred's finest qualities is his ability to make friends and build bridges. This will be needed on the third day of camping when its 35C heat in your tent and passive aggressiveness has reached tipping point. For $2.50 a pop (when you buy a 20 pack), Fred is your disposable flask mate given as a peace offering to campers in the vicinity to excuse your loutish Neanderthal behaviour. Ultimately, this will help prevent your tent pegs being pulled out at 4AM or your front door becoming a urinal.

From your heavy set friends getting loose on your shoulders to playing drinking games at your campsite, to taking a dump in a communal drop-den to shouting in the rain at your favourite band, Fred can be with you every step of the way.

See the saving stats that come with bringing Fred for the drive below:

7 people drinking with Fred…

  • 28 bottles= 4 bottles each
  • 1 bottle = $40 (on average)
  • $160 per person
  • $1120 alcohol for group
  • 1x2L mixer = $3
  • 8x2L mixers (2 per bottle) = $24
  • $24x7 = $168
  • Total for group (alcohol + mixer) = $1288

7 people drinking without Fred…

  • 12 drinks per person at 1 drink an hour 2PM-2AM per day (*for legal purposes, let’s just say 1 drink per hour) = 84 drinks total per day
  • Falls Fest goes for 4 full days = 336 drinks total
  • For arguments sake, we’ll do half cheap(er) drink prices ($7.50) and half overpriced drink prices ($10)
  • 168x$7.50 = $1260
  • 168x$10 = $1680
  • Total = $2940 

These calculations do not include:

-any drinks above $10 (Smirnoff mixers, redbull vodka reaching $12 mark)

-any drinks consumed the night before (29th) or the final morning (3rd)

-anyone taking more than the ‘recommended’ alcoholic intake of 1 per hour.

The total difference is $1652.

Divided by 7 that’s a saving of $236 per person. This is more than likely to be an underestimation for those who drink average festival-head quantities at a NYE event: 2-4 drinks per hour.

So kick your significant other out of the passenger seat and pile in Fred for your next road trip, you know he’ll pay his own way.