Looking to have a night out with Fred Flasks? Before hitting the road, here are 6 ways to store your newest party friend and drink what you want, wherever you want it.
Gum boot it: From Australia Day in your backyard to the muddy mosh pit at Splendour in the grass, gum boots have long been a preferred shoe for partiers to stomp the mud in. When buying booties, usually there is a 'close enough' mentality when choosing the size, leaving plenty of room for a friend (or two) to slide in. This party season, invest in some professional merry-making shoe wear and store your loot in your boot.
Undie it: front or back, snake or wombat hole, Freddy does not mind where he gets cosy. He doesn't care if you're comfortable with it either, as long as no one knows he's there. Freddy's flexible body and ability for big gains (8 shots worth) make him ready for any festival day under the sun.
Boob it: "SEXUAL HARASSMENT MOTHERFUCKER!" Whatever your sex, that's exactly what you scream if security wants to go anywhere near those big pancake nipples of yours. If the situation takes a turn for the worst and they do go grabbing, keep your cool. As some of our customers have already found out they'll probably just think your boobs are naturally squishy and let you fly by. When you do get in the clear, don't forget to celebrate:
Handbag it: take it like a man and dress up like a woman who packs her man in a dainty little handbag. Like any male silverback, Freddy enjoys impressing all ze ladies with his flexibility and prowess. So don't hesitate stuffing him to the dirty bottom of your manbag or purse.
Inner thigh it: Freddy's no pervert but would love to stroke your inner thigh. Strap him like a bullet belt, wear some shorts, and pour yourself a beverage whenever you damn well please. Just don't forget which nozzle your grabbing once you've had a few, it could get you red carded.
Udder it: are you a cow? Probably not, but this is the closest way of becoming the best alcoholic cow you can be. Strap a Freddy (or a few) to your chest and wear a button up shirt. You can now undo a button and sip from your very own teat. You are officially self-providing and will drink free alcohol forever. Happy birthday alcoholic cow. Stay happy.